She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
