Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
