I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He did a backflip because drugs
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