i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
