well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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