but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
