Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
