As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
