I wish I could punch you in the face.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
