We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
