I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
