Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
