oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
