Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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