I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
