I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Who died my cat blue again?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
