Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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