dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize