she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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