Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
