this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
