Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
