He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
