She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
