What a fucking waste of an outfit
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
