I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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