Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
