Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
that may or may not have been my penis.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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