a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
