If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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