these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
