Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm just crazy horny about you
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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