I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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