My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
