You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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