i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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