R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
