matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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