There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
