I got chris browned last night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
