There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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