So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
