And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think your dad took our porno
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
