I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize