whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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