Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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