So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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