We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
