I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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