My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize