Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize