i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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