perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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