Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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