Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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