The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
its not stalking. its research.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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