so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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