halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
