so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize