I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need water and some morals
Randomize
