I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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