Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
