Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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