It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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