Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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