you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Drunk is not a location!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
