The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
