It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
