kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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