So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize