Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's just like the Real World with babies
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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