i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
third nipple confirmed
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
