whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I need water and some morals
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He did a backflip because drugs
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
