you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
