Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
