I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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