dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
