Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
