If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
