I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
