Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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