I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
