Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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