And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
