There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
