I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
should my penis look like a turkey
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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