I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
