If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
