I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize