I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
