i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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