This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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