The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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