The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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