So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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