Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
