Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Drunk is not a location!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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