guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
