My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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